I am at the uncertain stage of my life whereby I felt a
burden to achieve something in life. This is the age where everyone either
further studies to higher level, get married or start to build career. I choose
to postpone my Master and build career first. Marriage is not my priority now,
not until I’m over 28 years old, I guess. In between of having career, there’s
other thing that I would love to do, to achieve, continue what I like/love to
do, spend more time with friends before everyone drifting apart because of
career and family. My coffee session with friends is not about college, friends
or gossips anymore, it is more likely asking each other whether we could make
it in demanding world and become who we want to be. This kind of conversation
is depressing, really. It is not fun. The talks at the moment was fun, but once
you go back and think about it all over again by yourself, you just feel trapped
and everything seems blur and mostly you get depressed because if possible you
want to see the immediate result of whatever you plan. Everything takes time,
fuck.
I was having this session of talks too many times that I
could ever recall with buddies. But last week, I was having this conversation
with Najee, for the first time. Clearly we both have our own plan but both want
to go into the same direction. We probably too busy planning for our own stuff
but at the same time, he’s there for me, support me and indirectly, I feel
everything well balance. The pressure of achieve something but having the
support that you need. Alhamdulillah.
I am trying to find various way to make whatever that I want
to happen, and the pressure is getting higher and stronger.
I am turning 24 by near end of March and everything worries
me now. Don’t picture me sitting in one corner feeling depress and cry myself
to sleep. Of course, that’s not what happened, my day usually fine and I’m
happy with what’s life offered me now but I can’t avoid having thoughts like,
"what the hell do I achieved by 24 ?"
Well, I really need to figure out something (I already figure what I want to do actually) and take action on it.
Sudden thought: I don’t want flush toy anymore for me to
cuddle with at night. I want a cat, real one. (Meh…)
Then again, whatever it is, God knows best. I just have to
work on whatever I want now.
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