How wild it is and there you go, it is December already.
Almost approaching January 2013. Where all the time gone?
There are so many things I have to do yet so little time I
can use to do all of that. How I wish I have 48 hours in a day. Then I have
more time to do my work, more time to rest, more time to have fun and more time
to do what I passionate most about. But God is fair, 24 hours a day for each and
every one of us that still buzzing, have to use it well and make time for the
things that you want to do. I must say I am good at planning things but I need
to shove myself a little harder to get it done. Ahh…it can be my new resolution
for 2013.
2012 bring enormous difference in my life. Well, not quite
but almost. This few months (since my last update) bring whole new meaning of
my 2012. It is amazing how this period of time can affect me. Making huge
decision to let go someone, almost loss my dearly best friend, get close to
people that I never thought I will, get involve with someone who overly attached
and annoying, try to work long distance relationship out but failed miserably, fall
in love, hard, with someone that I never imagine to be together with, get apprises
of bizarre and out-of-the-world stories (gossips) from friends and on top of
that, I am busy juggling with work and my life as well as my health which gone
pretty bad this few weeks. Work is fun, I get to experience the work stress now
which I quite enjoy it. Parents still treat me like a little kid, worry about a
lot of stuff and prefer that I work as an officer in government sector. I was
having never-ending drama over a lot of issues and have to say which are
stupidly outrageous and mainly cause by someone else. I mean, everyone should
just avoid drama and be an adult. I am fucked up as well over certain things,
but believe me when I say I am trying to make it better actually. I am at the
point where I do stuff until my body can’t take it anymore so that I will just
sleep without thinking about anything before. Funny that I have been call “bitch”
more than I ever get in my entire life lately. I hurt myself to protect and
make someone else pleased and when I tried to protect myself, suddenly people
get hurt, and not try to understand the ins and outs behind it. Well, that’s
life.
I was well planned up with my future. I thought I have but
one decision and BOOM !! It turns over everything and I have to start from
zero, from A again. I almost break down, where I feel like I am at the lowest
level of my life, constant exhaustion not physically, but mentally. I am sad
and happy at the same time, which quite unexplainable. I am in a constant mode
of finding something which I am not quite sure what it is/are. Humans are
complicated, I AM complicated. My thought led to sub thoughts where led to
other sub thoughts and it continues until at the end I just sit there and say “fuck
the world”. I am not sure what I am worried about or uncertain of. All I know
is my mind just don’t know how to shut up and things are colliding there.
The reason why I make time to write is because I am okay
now. My mind is still unquiet place to go in but I am blessed with a lot of
other things that I have to appreciate. My friends are too precious for me who
always stick there and listen, thank you. I write this as a closure of my 2012
which happened in another more less 2 weeks. Life is less complicated and
still, I feel like I am the luckiest girl alive.
On the other hand, I get a lot of inspirations for a lot of
upcoming things that I want to do. I am so excited. I guess all of this fuckery
was not that bad at all.
On top of that, this is basically what I am doing on the internet, wasting time.
This is life. Have an awesome 2013.
